


The Mystery of Warehouse 13, Feminine Style

by Elsie876



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: F/F, First Anime AU, Gen, Genderbending, Genderbent Roy, Genderswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-16 20:14:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/866160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsie876/pseuds/Elsie876
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy is not happy about having to prove that Warehouse 13 is a figment of her men's imagination. Genderswap AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mystery of Warehouse 13, Feminine Style

Why had she ever agreed to do this? Here she was leading four grown men on a mission in Central’s warehouses to prove to them that ghosts did not exist. Well, three actually. Havoc was in his semi-permanent state of sulking, which wasn’t much better. Breda had to drag him along because Roy sure as hell wasn’t going to. 

“And you say women are irrational? You men need to grow up and get some common sense!”

“You don’t understand, sir,” said Fuery. “They say that the corpses of the dead rise-”

“That’s enough, Fuery!”

“Well, Colonel, we really appreciate you taking the time to do this*,” said Breda.

“Let’s just get this over with so I can sleep.*”

Then, all the lights went out. This was going to be a splendid night.

 

It had all started earlier that day in the office when Falman and Fuery were relating their “adventures” with the fabled Warehouse 13. Roy had only intended to correct their stupidity and instead got roped into it. She complained later to Riza while out on an inspection. 

“It’s because they admire you, sir,” said Riza.

“What good is admiration from men?*”

Riza said nothing in reply. Instead, she responded by pulling up to the house Roy both wanted to visit and dreaded visiting at the same time: the Hughes house. She didn’t know what was harder to bear, Gracia’s gentle gaze, or the angry eyes of the Rockbell girl glaring down at her from the second-story window. She didn’t stay long.

“That’s what they don’t understand,” she said as the pulled away, “It’s always harder dealing with the living. Give me a ghost to talk to any day.*”

Riza drove on in silence and Roy loved her for it. How many other women would know to stay silent and not try to comfort her with meaningless words? If Riza wasn’t her subordinate….No, she couldn’t afford to think that. Riza was her subordinate and served Roy’s goals best by staying that way. Besides, Riza had never said anything about her sexual preferences, but everything Roy had heard indicated that she was straight. It would only ruin everything if she tried anything romantic with her. So she stayed silent. 

 

“This, boys, is the twelfth and final warehouse.*”

That still wasn’t enough. Fuery spun up some cockamamie theory about Warehouse 13 being a were-house and Roy had to slap some sense into him. Finally, Breda pointed out that it was Warehouse B, not 13 that they’d seen. Just when she’d thought the night was over, a bone in the dirt changed all that. 

By morning, everybody was tired and pissed-off. How the hell had Roy missed the fact that that the bone was not human and just an animal bone that Black Hayate had buried? She could only suppose that her staff’s stupidity was contagious. Perhaps she should fire them all and replace them with women in miniskirts. A girl could dream.

As they were all heading to the office (no point in trying to get any sleep now), Breda had the nerve to say, “I guess your feminine intuition’s not so perfect after all, is it?”

Roy turned around glared at them and raised her gloved hand. All four men stepped back.

“For that, you can go fetch us all some coffee. Fuery, go with him and help him carry it back to the office. Don’t drop it.”

When Fuery looked like he was about to protest, she snapped, “It’s you who got us into this mess in the first place. Now get moving.”

They saluted and spoke in unison. “Yes, sir!”

Then, they practically ran to get out of her presence. Now only Falman and Havoc were left. 

“As for you, Falman, you can get us all a decent breakfast with the money you won off the others. If you hadn’t encouraged Fuery’s delusions, this wouldn’t have happened in the first place.”

Falman was too smart to protest. He left right away. Now it was just Roy and Havoc and they’d reached headquarters by now. Havoc was still sulking and Roy had to practically drag him into the office, which did little to improve her mood. However, she knew from experience that there wasn’t much anyone could do with Havoc in this state so she just pulled him to his desk and left him to sulk while she sat at hers, waiting for the others. 

As she waited, she suppressed a sigh. If Havoc wasn’t always so stupid when it came to women, she wouldn’t have to deal with his mopey ass in the first place. Anyone with half a brain could see that Fanny, the calzone girl, was as queer as the night was long. Her ass lived up to her name, but Roy hadn’t dated her for social reasons. 

Archer and Sheska both bought calzones from her too and Fanny had talked to both of them. All she’d needed was some good money and she’d got all the information Roy wanted. Once Archer had made his move, she planned to use the money to run off west with her girlfriend who was still living with her conservative parents. Roy wished her luck with that. Amestris was more liberal than many other countries when it came to same-sex relationships, but it still had a long way to go. Fanny had also told her about the many insults Archer had had for Roy’s “unnatural” preferences until Roy had told her to stop. It was nothing she had not heard before. Between that and the information Major Armstrong had given her, Roy knew that Archer would strike soon and hard

That was the main reason she’d sent the others to get breakfast. When Archer struck, she wanted all of them to be ready and damn if she was going to let Archer or his handpicked goons pick up any weakness from her or her men, but she wasn’t going to do any of the work herself. 

The others returned and they drank their coffee and ate their breakfast quietly. Roy was so tired and grumpy she didn’t even smile when Falman brought in breakfast calzones that had to have come from Fanny. She wouldn’t be surprised if Fanny hadn’t given Falman a discount on them. Once they were done, she made them clean up the scraps and waited for Riza to bring in the day’s paperwork. 

Of course, she had to bring Black Hayate with her today. Everyone glared at him and he shrank back. Everything changed when the phone call came.

“Colonel, the tiger’s on the prowl.*”

 

Roy stood up and practically marched out of the room. The wait was over now and she was ready for whatever Archer had to throw at her. She had to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Any piece of dialogue with a * at the end originally came from the anime. I take no credit.


End file.
